I have taken a break from this little blog space for nearly a year. I have had an interesting adventure into the land of anxiety and phobias, which landed my ass in the phobic trust's anxiety clinic being treated for post traumatic stress disorder. Trauma that is not dealt with sufficiently will often manifest as OCD, irrational phobias and varying levels of depression. I have always had charming and quirky fears and rituals that were laughed off and brushed aside. The birth of my first child provided a well needed shake up that caused a lot of these to rise to the surface in full glory to take hold of my entire thought structure.
I went from being a joyous being to a ball of mess to having full blown panic attacks and left unable to leave the house a lot of the time. I was terrified to my bones. I was so scared to be in the outside world and to be around other people that I seemed to disappear. As a result I made no effort to make time to spend with friends and suffered a complete loss of social nourishment. I am still trying to recover these relationships! If you are a friend of mine and you are reading this - I apologise from the bottom of my heart for not being in touch. Friendship is the most important thing in the world to me and a life without friends is very lonely indeed.
After a little therapy, a lot of self work and support from my beloved partner and my wildly happy daughter, I am finally through the clouds. I still get the odd day where I find myself falling back into old patterns. The difference now is that I can see it for what it is and have the tools to pull myself out. I am so happy to have found joy again that I am incredibly reluctant to let it go.
I look forward to getting back to sharing the delicious things in life!
Stay tuned for recipes, tea appreciation and all things 'joy'
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